surrounded by emptiness

It was great talking to you. I mean you made me laugh till my stomach hurt. I don’t know why I did not do it while we were in school and alllast time . Maybe because I was stupid or maybe you were too silly billy. Haha, I seriously don’t know why I keep smiling even though my mood is supposed to be damn pissed off because of something else. I mean the feeling after talking to you is great. I felt so light and happy ( in a silly way). You’re still as cute and lively as ever and so helpful answering every stupid question of mine. Guess I will nearly tell you about this blog because if I do, all the posts are gonna be about you and password protected which will make u more suspicious. I do really want to meet you and I can’t wait.

I seriously feel we’re some kind of characters in movies. haha. Maybe our taste in music is really not the same but you really made me feel so happy ( in a healthy way).

Guess this is for you and only the special you.

I waited ’til I saw the sun
I don’t know why I didn’t come
I left you by the house of fun
I don’t know why I didn’t come.

I don’t know why  I don’t know why I don’t know why.

Tata the wonderful world. Bon voyage to the past. It’s too soon to say it I guess.

Oh what a great day for the fucking me. One moment I thought my life would change like forever and the next moment I was totally fucked. Life will never be fair. People are roaming around the world for sightseeing and relaxing and enjoying themselves and all that shit. Yet I’m sitting here alone dating my fucking computer 24/7. Can you imagine what a loser I am ? Even when sleeping, my computer is still not switched off. I mean people complain about having to work and waking up early to go to school and taking this exams and that exams and meeting old friends and whatnots. But imagine if a typical day of yours is

2pm. Wake up and shower and have the first meal of the day.

3pm. Read newspaper and start to switch on computer or keep switching channels.

3.30pm. Go online and read the whole wide world’s blogs, including those shitty ones.

              Go to mininova to download anything that seems to be worthy.

6pm. Have a second meal and eat really slowly so time will fly

7pm. Catch friends on starworld or so. Glue to the computer till 10 and shower and continue gluing to the fucking computer.

and continue

and continue

and continue till 7 am in the morning to call it a day.

People say that holidays are nice and all. That, my friend, is only true when you have something to do like travelling to the other side of the world to see how and what the whites have achieved over the past 100 years.

I feel so suffocated at all and sometimes I wish I were to be fucking kidnapped and my parents wouldn’t bother to find me. I mean that was what I exactly dreamt last night. After being kidnapped by some fuckers, I was laughing away and feeling really euphoric and jubilant and estatic and blah blah blah because finally I was be able to be completely out of the house.

My typical day is so fucking boring and some were saying that it’s shiok. Ya, SHIOK MY FUCKING BIG FAT ASS. I’m not looking forward to anything anyfuckingmore. I know it’s really fucking rude that I keep using the fucking word for like so many times and my teachers never taught me to do that and so did my folks. But if you were to be in my position, you’d know how mundane it is to be totally stuck at home with no future and socialization and fresh air and all. Only old people in their 90s stay at home and wait to die. I’m 19 not 90 and I’m already doing what exactly a ninety year old person does, waiting to DIE.

Hey mimi, enjoy your self in AUSTRALIA ok and please if it were possible, run away and stay in the farm in Australia forever. Trust me, it ain’t fun staying at home.

What the fuck is wrong with the world? Sometimes I keep having weird thoughts inside my mind, ok like these past few days. Maybe George, my imaginary friend, is abso-fucking-lutely right about the confinement of freedom. Yeah, it sounds seriously seriously paradoxical/ironic whatever. “Nothing was your own except the few cubic centrimetres inside your skull”. Ok maybe something is wrong with me then. Omg, I really hate these kinds of emo entries that are so seriously attention-seeking and primaryschool-ish. But I’ll pardon myself once in a blue moon to let my EMOTION flow. Flow like a river in the spring, sail like a boat on a lazy cool summer afternoon. OMG cant believe that I just typed that but if that helps bring some orginality, I won’t mind. Quite nervous for the stupid english test because I have no idea how to prepare for it.

Anyway, the main purpose of writing this entry is to celebrate my  Vaio’s resurrection. That is a big word for an unanimated object but I think without it, I don’t know where to find my sanctuary. Maybe reminiscing about the past is such a bad idea after reading such a bleak portrait bout the futuristic world. Maybe harbouring hard feelings is also such a fucking bad idea. Though there’re times I try to forgive, not forget. But but something must have stopped me and I can’t go on any further. Should I seek help from self-improvement books although I think it’s such a loser’s act to find help and cry your hearts out on some stupid people’s business-oriented writings that seem so appealing and promising to uplift your mood when you’re like having the worst hang-over of your entire fucking life. Ok, totally ban the idea of self-improvement books. Anyway, maybe this is related or not to the topic of stupid books. When I was in sec 2 or so, I really liked reading chicken soup series. But after the one with animals and teenagers, I found it to be so seriously cheesy and cliche’d and so surreal which also implied that it was so a fucking LIE. Couldn’t believe those heart-wrenching stories now. I mean omg the possibility of your pets managing to find their way home after being lost in a farway land after 3 years. I mean I didnt expect them to have that special power memory of how your croth smells like after that long period. I always find dogs love to lick their owners’ crotches. Sorry it sounds disgusting but true. Maybe my observations are not extensive enough.

Talking bout dogs, omfg. There’s this movie St.Trinian that is so fucking hilarious that I kept laughing. I love Brits for their witt sense of humour. They always have class in poking fun at everyone under the planet including freaks, midgets, trannies, typical perfectionists, sluts, the list is endlesss, without making themselves appear to be a total big bitch. The movie really made me laugh till I could feel a burning sensation at my abdomen. Omg, maybe the movie burnt some of my fats that I’ve been accumulating over the past few months and if I keep watching Little Britain, I’ll have abs in no time without sweating a single droplet of sweat and panting like a mad dog under a 100 degree afternoon.

Jokes aside, back to the emo topic. I don’t even know where to start right now because there’re so many things on my mind right now and American Idol is coming to an end. Hope David Archuletta would win because he’d represent a young generation ( including me) who is so talented and able to inspire and appears to be humble at all time. And such a disappointment with Desperate Housewives, this season is like the best and it ends within 16 episodes. Marc Cherry runs out of ideas, doesn’t he? Maybe I could lend my hand. And hahaha, imagine Gabrielle Solis needs to support her husband who is blind, thus the need of becoming a high-class callgirl arises or shall I say, social escort? And Bree turns lesbian. hahaha

Seriously back to emo topic. Sometimes I havent had a clue about my ownself. And yeah, some stupid moron said, ” You’re always somewhat a pure enigma”. It’s not a positive comment. Fuck, I dont really take people’s comments seriously. But this one has been on my mind over the past 48 hours or so. And haha, people, who’re educated of course, say that love is an elusive enigma too. And love sometimes can be the greatest thing that you can ever find on this planet called Earth. But it can also bring some earth-shattering impact on you if the love turns sour. But sour things can be good sometimes though because everything can’t be perfect right. And not everything sour is spoilt and rotten also. An example will be yogurt. So enigma can be both a bad and a good thing which also means that I can be a good and bad person at the same time. Wait that means I have two personalities, don’t I? I can be good at times and also bad at times. That means I’m experiencing split personalities which the last time I checked, it can be understood that I’m schizophrenic. Fuck fuck fuck. Nevermind.. I have other greater stuffs to ponder over right now.

Back to emo topic. Maybe writing and scribbling and blabbering and singing in front of the revived Vaio at moderate volume  at 4.30 in the morning compared to my papa’s snoring does really help after all. And for the record I’m at page 239 of Nineteen eighty-four, second round. Why do Iusually like dead people’s work? I mean after Sidney Sheldon, now is George Owell. Hurray I’m not emo anymore and want to upload some pictures in case my stupid Vaoi decides to commit suicide by plunging a knife into its anus and dies without whispering a proper auld lang syne.

.

Omg, just realise that I m not emo anymore. Rise and shine. Time check is 4.55 and I really got to sleep because eye bags and dark circles are bad for photo shoots. What if I got discovered by some agencies. OK seriously gotta stop. GO way too far with my imagination. Till then, TATA.

 havent jo for one week, wohoo.this is a secret and only for me to know. wohoo. wohoo.

Oh my Lord, my blog is so seriously dusty and I really need some spring cleaning. Oh I know how to spring-clean, using my sexy 6-inched-tongue to lick all over my laptop screen will really do the job. Especially the huge amount of saliva that my salivary glands have been secreting over the past 8 hours or so. God knows why the fuck I got up so farcically early today. It’s like 7 on a non-happening Thursday in my really cosy room because I haven’t unpacked my luggage and bag since the impromptu Singapore trip last week.  Oh man, Singapore was so fucking seriously fun and I’m already missing bits of it. Fuck and anyone who is reading this blog accidentally or faithfully which I doubt, please go to the bookstore and buy ” Nineteen eighty-four” by George Orwell. Oh my god, I haven’t been able to put it down ever since I put my fat ass on the plane back home.  And fuck, my mind has been spinning with Jason Mraz’s hottest song in the summer- I’m Yours. For those of you who quiver and smirk and assume that I only know the song like recently. I’m fucking sorry to tell you that I knew this song like 49599002022 years ago when he decided not to put this track into his album and now he decided to produce it and the stuppeerrd album is not out yet when I was in the tropical island. And to worsen the bad timimg, I also miss the most-anticipated movie of the year for all fashionistas and I also miss the whole Great Singapore Sale.  But it was all made up when I met my darlings.

Hey mimi, really sorry again for making you wait for 2 hours at the most unglam spot on Earth, Mac’s at TM. Seriously I did drag that stupid ass of Weijie to tell you what he did but all he did was muttering some  stupid explanation, so seriously predictable.  Hey but his whole family was seriously nice to let me stay like for a whole week though. I mean who the hell these days is nice enough to let some tourist stay at their place for free? Oh my God, and spending time with ping and mimi was so seriously orgasmicilious.  And I havent eaten the smiley cookie that mimi bought from swissbake. I mean half of me wanted to gobble it down my throat and half of me wanted it to be immortal in my fridge. Ok, so what I did was to lick it and put it back in the fridge. I mean fuck, how can people are so nice and some are like God’s mistake to let them reincarnated and born and so on, according to your religions alright?Fuck you whom you think you’re the centre of the universe and acting like one of the royal family members all the time and expect people to be on your feet and entertaining you without making you pissed. Once bitten, twice shy. I don’t think I’d ever dare to talk to you again. Oh and I haven’t finished the brownies too because they’re so seriously precious. I mean for now, I’d rather trade my fucking cheebye camera for a box of brownies that mimi gave me before I left Singapura. Sorry mimi, I didnt give you any gift  hahah but I promise the next time I’d give you something erotic. Fuck I missed out your birthday outings and deathnote marathon.

Anyway, we really had a fun time at bitching at everyone we know at Mac’s for the whole night and it was raining cats and dogs and birds and hamsters. Can someone please franchise Mac’s here because my place is not a 3rd world country anymore. We already have KFC and bowling and Gucci and Louis Vuitton and Burberry and Tod’s and Bally and Pizza Hut and topless dancing and Viagra and Dolce and Gabbana and I ran out of breathe. Say I’m weak but you try to type everything at one go while listening to Jason Mraz’s voice at the same time and hearing my lurrrllllleee mother high-pitched screaming me to brush my teeth and thinking of what I should have for breakfast today. ALL  AT THE SAME TIME. My brain must be processing like an Intel Centrino Duo 6977959499  GHz. And I’m going to shop for a Polaroid later on. Hope today mr.sunny would be out and proud because over the past few days, the rain seriously pissed me off because I couldn’t be out of my house for a radius of 0.5 m.  Just remember one more thing I missed out in Singapore, the stupid flyer. I mean I’m so inspired by the advertisements on Travel&Living and I rushed over and I totally forgot bout it till I was about to leave.

Anyway I was quite fortunate to have Jonice to accompany me for a whole two days around Singapore. I mean everyone is supposed to be working their asses off while waiting for Unis and all and I think she’s the only one to be free in Singapore whom I know of and fuck really had fun with her, not in the context of *ahem you know*. She kept making me spend money like nobody’s business from buying magazines to doing manicures which I didn’t have the guts of course.  Anyway I bought a few books which I don’t think I can complete all of them because of the book I didn’t buy but was lent instead. I mean I am so into George Orwell’s now. His style is so me not in the pessimistic plot but the way he led readers. The book’s such a page turner and I even read it during breakfast. Fuck I was so stupidly eager to know the ending and thus I read the last bit and know I really truly regretted doing that. It’s such a forbidden thing when reading such a good book. But when reading SILLY stuff like Shopaholics, I couldnt wait for it to end so all I did was turning to the last page and skim through.  In my own humble opinion, I think 1984 should be made into a movie instead of Da Vinci Code.  And Anthony Hopkins should be starred. Fuck, I’m doing free advertisements.

Just remember I had to register for some English test today. Omg, I hope I’d score good marks since I’ve been studying in English medium for nearly a decade and it will be such an embarrassment if I get lower than those locals here who are even younger. Stuuppeeerrdd IELTS and Lady Luck please shine on me so I could get the fucking job otherwise Im gonna be stuck in a faraway land.

Surprisingly charlie brown took his time off on a Sunday morning to send me off and mimi gotta wake up seriously early too. I mean I don’t think I can wake up after a whole 2 days of non-sleep and running for choir practices and all. Once again, thank you Amellia Bte Razak for your presence. You’d be officially my first-born’s God-mother. Oh fuck it was funny though my friend asked me to be his best man for his wedding. Fuck maybe the time I spent in Singapore was the best.

Anyway, I went to swensen’s with old classmates and we ordered like everything we could pronounce. Don’t fucking smirk at me ok because some words are such a feast to pronounce without making them sound disgusting. Ok for example,Breaded Chicken Meuniere. I was like what, manure? Isnt’t that the stuff that comes out from the other side of animals and it was grey and smelly and wet and will be lovely to step on while running freely on a meadow in your cowboy outfit while smelling the fucking fresh air and feeling like to strip naked? That would be the most anti-climax moment of your whole fucking life. Ok, no, the second most because the first one will be when you fart while you were having sex. Omg, I cant imagine that scenario though I’d love to. I mean you are like moaning and waiting for the big O to drown you and overwhelm and all of the sudden you or your partner made those smelly noise and omg..  Forget bout it..Back to Swensen’s, spent a bomb but it was really fun with the bits of catching-up and all. Wong was so seriously nice to send me down because I woke up late. I planned to be at the fucking airport at 10 and I woke up at 10.15. No time to make up and do my hair and haven’t properly packed my stuff. I randomly grabbed everything and packed up and rushed out and wong was sending me to the cab neither washing his face nor wiping the dried-up saliva on the side of his mouth. But he was seriously nice enough to wake up though. I’m blessed that I stayed at Tampines. Imagine if I stay at like Kranji, for Christ’s sake, I’d have a chartered helicopter to bring me home while sipping champagne and reading GQ and listening to the summer breeze of Jason Mraz’s and scratch any part of my body that I seem to like and singing to Destiny’s Child’s Emotions.

Anyway I just realised about me having the habit of starting every fucking single  with the word OH. It is so f retarded I know. Even when I reply messages, I tend to do the same thing too. And I was bitching about the low class bitches who are so poor in vocabulary that they always use … (dots) to express.  By the way, I bought L’oreal Kids, for my 2-year-old niece actually but the smell is so refreshing with a tinge of honeydew and lavender. And my friend was so stupid saying that lavender shampoo can make guys impotent and thus her 5yo little brother stopped using. Walao, I invented all these jokes at the first place. So, I decided to hold them back and use them. My niece had not been nice to me either. She comes over at 7 plus for breakfast and guessed what she enjoys doing. She loves to scream at the top of her lung and wakes my dear papa up and me too. I know this sounds so fucking merciless and cruel and brutal and whatever but some days I feel like going down and choke her with two bananas, one at her mouth and one at her ass. Why do children scream for no reason? You don’t have to wipe your ass even after you do your big business. I mean tell me who else has such luxury and does not pay a single cent for it, except the sick and elderly.

Anyway, I decided to have bread with omlette and ICED orange juice and the brownies that have been nestling in my fridge over the past few days. Silly billy me, the first few days, I incessantly checked on the fridge after hearing someone closing it. I gotta guard for them because they’re once again more precious than my camera which is nowhere to be seen. The last time it was seen at the airport. Fuck please tell me I left it on the plane so I can make an excuse to buy a new one for the summer which is coming real soon which I’m dreading because of the unbearable heat and all the impromptu black-outs.

Till then, tata.