surrounded by emptiness

Oh for the sake of God, let me sleep because I really need to wake up early tomorrow. I can’t believe that I switched on my lappy again to type these stupid words. I was supposed to be in lalaland 3 hours ago. In the span of 3 hours, I actually realised my sleeping pattern. I will always have some bolsters or pillows to cushion my feet, so my feet will be higher than my head when I’m lying down. And I’ll always turn to the wall and put my right hand on another pillow. Nevermind.

Usually weekends are the time slots that I you-tube. But when I was reminiscing about choir and singing and I downloaded Les Choristes OST. I thought I could upload the songs to this blog for sharing but to my horror, wordpress is not that friendly. And I can’t even embed links from imeem. So I you-tubed and looked what I had found. I wish I hadn’t managed to find this clip. I’m a fan of Beyonce and as much as I hate to say this, she sucked big time in this song. What’s with the ‘cat-eye’ make up and singing in French? For fuck’s sake, please don’t do it again. It’s such an insult to the song firstly and secondy, it’s just so insulting to hear the song in this arrangement. Even though I don’t know French but I rolled my eyes when so many people ( some might be French and some speak French) clapped so loudly at the end. If this performance was in the States, I understand about the clapping-oh-so-loudly part. But if it was in France, Beyonce must be a fucking huge star over there where she can insult the French’s most treasured element- their language. I need to puke like now. But of course, everyone must agree that she was a brave woman to do it in French.

Another hot one, I don’t know how the fuck I managed to find this. I heard this tune millions of times before but this was the first time I saw the clip.

Bellissimo!!!

Wow, it must have been awkward standing there for 2 minutes before singing. And the performance was in 1962. I feel damn sad for my folks. Because while they were running into tunnels for shelter while the bombs were being dropped like free money. And on the other side of the world, this singer was wearing diamonds and couture dress and singing to the elite class. What to do when you were not born to the right time or should I say, the right place?

My favourites at the moment.

Je suis vraiment dans la merde.

Au revoir

Fuck, there’re more movies I had watched but I couldn’t upload the posters. Internet, you’re a real bitch to me. Anyway, Bridget Jones’s Diary ( 2001) and The Edge of Reason (2004), Saving Private Ryan- a classic and if you haven’t heard of it, you are seriously fucked, Breakfast at Tiffany’s- now I know why Tiffany’s, a romance. I was so stupid to think that Tiffany’s is like some kind of cafe for breakfast. Oh not forgetting Harold & Kumar Go to the White Castle. I watched them twice without skipping.

 At least I learnt something new. Still waiting to watch Brothers&Sisters as I want to watch old shows that had all their episodes out. I hate to wait for every week for new episodes. I can’t believe I had completed 6 seasons of Sex and the City. No wonder, I feel so much heavier every passing second because all I do is lying on the bed while chewing sweets or swallowing seedless grapes while glue-ing my eyes onto the Vaio.

I keep tossing and turning because my bio cock clock is damn screwed up.

Why me why me why me why me? I’m going to miss running downstairs to bite half of an apple and put it back to the fridge. I know Singapore is like 2km away from my place. But the thought of leaving my messy room again really makes me cry. Kidding bout the crying part!!!! And I know school won’t be starting till August but it’s around the corner . Ok, I guess I’ll sign up a membership card with budget airlines as I think I’ll be travelling home on a high frequency.

Anyway, this post was drafted way back on my birthday. Because I really felt the urgency of doing some productive typing before my brain goes numb. My resolutions are seriously countless, starting from the most important. I tell you what, the list will all be completed by the time I reach 25. No no, maybe 28. I want to finish every single resolution. And I’m determined to do it. I’m a very determined person in case I forget to tell myself at times.

1. I’ll study really properly this time round. I won’t give chance anymore.
2. Exercise to lose all my fats and build the mass. Say bye to fats and hi to mass!!!
3. Be 10000x nicer to people around me, even to strangers. I’ve been experiencing bad karma
4. Get a driver license.
5. Try my bestest to work whenever I can.
6. Set aside certain amount of money for travelling purposes.
7. Be more active and outdoors instead of rotting in front of this ungrateful Vaio while scratching every part of my body as and when I feel like.
8. Read all the books that I think I should before I die.
9. Not to spend any single dollar on unnecessary things again. Learn from MISTAKES.
10. Lose my virginity, really. This is a non-laughing matter.
11. Again, go swimming or working out and whatver sports whenever I can. I must lose my fucking elephants’ thighs by the end of this year. Sometimes I feel my body is not functioning properly. If all the meat and fats from my thighs and stomach go up to my arms, I’ll be more than happy.
12. Not to be judgemental towards anyone or anything. Bad karma.
13. Drink 3 litres of water everyday and have real fruits instead of fruit juices.
14. Not to spend time daydreaming and sleeping more than needed. You snooze, you loose.
15. Travel around.
16. Have all the right food because your skin is damn gross now. Nobody wants to talk to you when all they can concentrate are the ancnes and blackheads and whiteheads and clogged pores and whatnots all clustered on your face.
17. Be nice to people whom you hate.
18. Be more active in terms of group work.
19. Liposuction??? I cant stop but wanting to have abs right now. Do at least 1000 sit-ups before getting off from bed may do the job.
20. Not to throw things when I’m fuming with wrath anymore. Seriously, I’ve spoilt 2 remote controls already.
21. Love my wallet more which means not to open it as often as it used to be. Should I get another wallet? LV, will you ever have a sale for fuck’s sake? You’re the love of my life.
22. Stop being so so so so brand-conscious and effing materialistic. It is only justifiable when you work and slurge using your paycheck or there is a 70% sale-off.
23. Ride roller coaster again. I miss the adrenaline rush. And I want to try the space shot.
24. Learning to dive if I can afford. And kickboxing to release all my pent-up frustration and unresolved childhood anger.
25. Seriously, totally not kidding about shopping and spending unnecessarily. You’ve got be more financially responsible, KID!
26. Cherish every day as a gift.
27. Apply for a spot at my holy grail.
28. Seriously about the bad skin, it’s time to fucking take care of your face again. No more fried food for the rest of my life.
29. Not to lose faith in myself.
30. Not buying GQs anymore. It’s seriously a waste of money and a reason for you to spend. Damn consumerism!!!!
31. Not to be angry over fibs.
32. Pray more often.

Phewwww. What a hell load of resolutions. But I’m damn serious about the studies and exercise plan. It also means I need to get a pair of running shoes and all the appropriate gym outfits. Who the fuck spends 400 bucks on LV gym set which include bath towel, face towel, hand towel, leg towel?? LV will be my number one foe for now. Seriously, financing management. Seriously, shopstinence is the key man. And I will also try to save up for another pair of spectacles also. The old one is olive green which I don’t like anymore. I’ll eat lots of veggies everyday and lean meat as well. Damn serious about working out. I can’t bear to look myself naked anymore because it’s simply beyond the gross factor. The view of my flabby body in the mirror every morning just really wakes me up instantly. I shall not live in self-denial anymore and start to make the gym as my favourite place to hang out.

By the way, last time really nobody wears Fred Perry’s polo tees. Everyone was so busily mocking about those who spend hundreds on a polo tee. And now, what the fuck, everyone is donning one. It’s not like Giordano or Bossini where the tees colour-run after the first wash. FYI, Fred Perry is using 100% pique cotton, not normal cotton. I don’t know what the difference is between the two. But it irks me about the fact that someone hated it last time and smirked about it and now guess what, that stupid mofo is seen wearing it. Yikes to you. Anyway, I’ve seen so many Fred Perry’s over the past few days, on TV shows, movies, in real life, basically everywhere. And for fuck’s sake, there was one scene in Drillbit Taylor, a guy was wearing the same exact piece as mine and he’s in his 40s. Fuck fuck fuck!!!!

I need to turn in now because the dark undereye circles are the size of my fist. I seriously hope that panda eyes will be the ‘in’ thing whereby those who don’t have them are frown upon by the society.

I start to hate somebody which I totally don’t know. Hahaha, OK resolutions are the rules. And I’m going to memorise my rules soon.

  I have been playing these albums over the past few days and… I’m speechless.

Just when you thought that your path is clearly seen and all you’ve got to do is walking on it while smelling the roses. You thought the cloudiness in your numb brain has been totally cleansed. Uncertainties about everything are turned into certainties. But sometimes an unpleasantly rude shock hit you unexpectedly. Do you need lessons to lessen the expectation?  This is the thing that I hate about being nocturnal.  I try to sleep  but for some reasons I just can’t. And the usual routine follows with surfing the net to download all the movies. I hate being insomniac because it tickles your brain to have all these hollow thoughts running uncontrollably inside your brain. I cannot help but wondering how many people in this world has ever experienced the feeling of constantly being bombarded with questions and pent-up frustration about the future? It’s really infuriating when the future of your life is somewhat muddy and still forming in one way or another. But what if you will carry out your current state for the rest  of your life or you’ll be diagnosed with some sort of illness that leave you only 2 months to live. I don’t think I can handle that and be surperficially optimistic about life and fully make use of the expiration period to go there and do that before I disappear. Maybe talking about the future is such a passe in this time and age. But will we be able to move on when the past is present? 

Religion does exist for a reason after all. Maybe it’s only true for my specific case. While others are praying 5 times a day or before their every meal, I only do when I’m faced with some problems or dilemma. The same goes to this blog. When I first set out this blog, I wanted to make it my own sanctuary where I can jot down whatever I feel like to record. However, after a while, I realise that all the entries had been posted when I felt somewhat disturbed-in-my-mind . It’s like the place where I run to after a rough day hoping to find some kind of consolation. But when I’m having fun, I totally ignore the existence of this blog. Just like when I’m happy or simply being entertained, I totally forget about my God.

It’s also weird too. Last time, when I had any kind of trouble, I will surely be out there looking for somebody to seek for advice. But now, I don’t. Even when my folks ask me, I don’t feel like sharing it anymore, so unlike the old me. Am I being people-intolerance or are my parents being compellingly ‘inquisitive’?

People, in this time and age, incessantly talk about justice, sympathy, freedom, responsiblity and whatnots. But I cannot help but wonder, once again, why don’t they talk bout tolerance?  It really just irks me that the word is being more sugar-coated artifically? Euphemisms are  fully utilised in each and every sentence and sometimes I don’t know whether people do really mean what they blurt out. I don’t know how many words in one sentence reflect what they want to mean. I don’t think any normal person in this world has ever had the same thought as mine and can become my soulmate. Otherwise, I think I’m going insane which is not an impossibility. It could also be because I simply have too much time to spend unlike the majority of the world.

Talking about the real meaning of happiness in today context. Does real happiness still exist ? Or the pursuit of happiness has taken to another totally new level whereby everyone is chasing for the same objectives? Happiness is all about money, power, control and self-satisfaction. After all, am I the only one thinking that happiness is overated? The pursuit of happiness is more or less the same among individuals. So, does everyone know what makes them happy? Or they’re just following the crowd, going with the flow. Just because Joe has that, therefore I must have that as well. Does this mentality becomming a social norm in our present time where everyone is ‘acting’ to know what happiness is? Or are they in some kind of comformity?

I should probably stop it here because it’s disturbing to have weird thoughts running through my mind at this hour.

First off, I would like to thank  you  for spending so much of your money on my birthday, yet again. I really appreciate it because it was totally unexpected. And especially to the BIG YOU who have taken the effort and trouble to comb Singapore for the gifts and time as well to write the ‘birthday’ letter. I really do mean every single word and receive your parcel with appreciation. I do mean it. Thanks once again for the message from the land Down Under.  Here are the pictures which painstakingly took me an hour to resize and upload altogether. I finally found my camera. Pheww.. And for the record, the self-portrait picture of me was the first self-taken Polaroid which didn’t do any justice at all. I look way better than that.

And also a thank-you for sending a message too but I switched off my phone. But I doubt you’ll ever read this, just so you know..

A – is for the last person that made you ANGRY: nobody, it’s because I’ve been talking to noone except my parents.

B – is for BEER you prefer: It’s all the same, ok maybe Heineken.

C – is for do you have a CAT?: Yikes, go away.

D – is for can you DANCE?: Didn’t you see me on the last season of So You Think You Can’t Dance?

E – is for do you have your EARS pierced?: It’s so suburban. The ‘in’ thing is right at your nipples.

F – is for your best FRIEND: Vit-M will be my BFF and Wiesmann cars. I’m drooling over it.

G – is for did you ever watch GUTS on Nickelodeon?: What the fuck is that?

H – is for the last person who HUGGED you?: This makes me wondering what F stands for.

I – is for close your eyes… what IMAGE do you see?: Winnie the Pooh is fucking all those in Happy Tree Friends. I’m kidding. Wait, closing my eyes. OK. I saw people paying for my shopping. Don’t ask me who because they were all in black, Men in Black.

J – is for have you ever been to JAIL?: Not my cup of tea, coffee or milk.

K – is for when is the last time you flew a KITE?: Kite? Are you sturrppeed or what? Ok, when I was 6? I expected K is for KISS.

L – is for the LOVE of your life: Again, Vit-M.

M – is for the last piece of MAIL you got: Snail mail, none. But emails, oh man, I swear I didnt visit porn websites.

N – is for do you remember NERF guns?: Nevermind.

O – is for do you OWN a car?: Those miniatures yes.

P – is for your favorite PASTIME: To have sex with my imaginary friends.

Q – is for do you like peace & QUIET?: Yeaps, when I’m sleeping especially.

R – is for do you like the color RED?: No, I don’t like any colours that don’t look good on me.

S – is for how many hours of SLEEP you need to function?: Right now, I need prolly around 16hours. Trust me, your skin is like glowing from within.

T – is for what TIME is it?: High School Musical 2? It’s summertime.

U – is for what is UNDER your bed?: I swear, there’re no toys.

V – is for what you did last VALENTINE’S day: I did lots of stuff. Got up at 2pm, had breakfast, lazed in front of the comp and the tv and I FORGOT.

W – is for do you drink a lot of WATER?: Yeah, especially in this pizza oven. All the water evaporates before you know it.

X – is for have you ever had an X-RAY?: Yeah, for my lungs the other day.

Y – is for the last person you YELLED at: Oh man, my laptop was person-ised the other day. So yeah, I yell at Lappy almost everyday.

Z – is for have you ever watched ZORRO?: I’ve never liked the combo, Antonio and Catherine Something. I did watch that but don’t recommend. I’d rather watch spoofs though I hate them now.

This is a really time-wasters with loads of stupid questions. Hey, but maybe it’s because I’m too smart for it.