surrounded by emptiness

Just when you thought that your path is clearly seen and all you’ve got to do is walking on it while smelling the roses. You thought the cloudiness in your numb brain has been totally cleansed. Uncertainties about everything are turned into certainties. But sometimes an unpleasantly rude shock hit you unexpectedly. Do you need lessons to lessen the expectation?  This is the thing that I hate about being nocturnal.  I try to sleep  but for some reasons I just can’t. And the usual routine follows with surfing the net to download all the movies. I hate being insomniac because it tickles your brain to have all these hollow thoughts running uncontrollably inside your brain. I cannot help but wondering how many people in this world has ever experienced the feeling of constantly being bombarded with questions and pent-up frustration about the future? It’s really infuriating when the future of your life is somewhat muddy and still forming in one way or another. But what if you will carry out your current state for the rest  of your life or you’ll be diagnosed with some sort of illness that leave you only 2 months to live. I don’t think I can handle that and be surperficially optimistic about life and fully make use of the expiration period to go there and do that before I disappear. Maybe talking about the future is such a passe in this time and age. But will we be able to move on when the past is present? 

Religion does exist for a reason after all. Maybe it’s only true for my specific case. While others are praying 5 times a day or before their every meal, I only do when I’m faced with some problems or dilemma. The same goes to this blog. When I first set out this blog, I wanted to make it my own sanctuary where I can jot down whatever I feel like to record. However, after a while, I realise that all the entries had been posted when I felt somewhat disturbed-in-my-mind . It’s like the place where I run to after a rough day hoping to find some kind of consolation. But when I’m having fun, I totally ignore the existence of this blog. Just like when I’m happy or simply being entertained, I totally forget about my God.

It’s also weird too. Last time, when I had any kind of trouble, I will surely be out there looking for somebody to seek for advice. But now, I don’t. Even when my folks ask me, I don’t feel like sharing it anymore, so unlike the old me. Am I being people-intolerance or are my parents being compellingly ‘inquisitive’?

People, in this time and age, incessantly talk about justice, sympathy, freedom, responsiblity and whatnots. But I cannot help but wonder, once again, why don’t they talk bout tolerance?  It really just irks me that the word is being more sugar-coated artifically? Euphemisms are  fully utilised in each and every sentence and sometimes I don’t know whether people do really mean what they blurt out. I don’t know how many words in one sentence reflect what they want to mean. I don’t think any normal person in this world has ever had the same thought as mine and can become my soulmate. Otherwise, I think I’m going insane which is not an impossibility. It could also be because I simply have too much time to spend unlike the majority of the world.

Talking about the real meaning of happiness in today context. Does real happiness still exist ? Or the pursuit of happiness has taken to another totally new level whereby everyone is chasing for the same objectives? Happiness is all about money, power, control and self-satisfaction. After all, am I the only one thinking that happiness is overated? The pursuit of happiness is more or less the same among individuals. So, does everyone know what makes them happy? Or they’re just following the crowd, going with the flow. Just because Joe has that, therefore I must have that as well. Does this mentality becomming a social norm in our present time where everyone is ‘acting’ to know what happiness is? Or are they in some kind of comformity?

I should probably stop it here because it’s disturbing to have weird thoughts running through my mind at this hour.