surrounded by emptiness

Another Mid-Autumn Festival that I’m not able to be with my family again. It’s been six years long. I still remember the younger days when I would ask my parents to get me some mooncakes first before the real day (15th of the eighth month). I would finish my dinner in 10 seconds just to get my hands on the mooncakes. The taste of the green bean paste and eggyolks melted in my mouth and I was more than estatic when we were allowed to play with the lanterns in the living room because it was raining. My second brother would help me do the star-shaped lanterns weeks before the 15th. Then we would make candle holders out of used tin cans. We would make the torch out of bamboos. It was every kid’s dream to have an electric lantern and so was mine. My second brother would quiver and sneer at those kids who hold the lanterns because they didn’t put in any effort to make one. Memories of us walked around the quiet neighbourhood and made so much noise. Memories of my childhood friends lost his slippers for some unknown reasons and we all chipped in money to get him a new pair on the 15th. Memories of my second brother carried me home one year. I still remember because I fell down and bruised myself while playing with the other kids. I cried like crazy. Memories of me punching my second brother because he accidentally dripped the candle wax on my index finger one year. The scar is still on my left index finger. This is to you, Second Brother, FUCK YOU BIG TIME! Haha. Memories of my parents were not able to celebrate the festivals some years because they were busily earning money. I wasn’t angry and didn’t blame them at all because I had company. Memories of me praying that it wouldn’t rain so we could walk around the neighbourhood. Memories of me losing my slippers one year because I was so engrossed in playing with some friends.

15th of the eighth month brings back this tremendously huge nostalgia that I don’t think words can be used to describe how I’m feeling right now. As we grow older, our paths differ and sometimes people just take things for granted. I’m not an exception. I believe everyone deserves a second chance no matter whatever crimes they committed. I’m no Mother Theresa but I believe no matter how bad the person appears to be, there’re still some good traits in their inner self. It’s just that for a moment of carelessness, they slip away from us, from the path they’re supposed to take and lead. One moment of us playing poker cards together and you pinched my nose and the next moment, we’re so far apart. We’re in two different worlds.Tears just roll down my eyes  and my heart aches everytime I think of you.  You just don’t know how many times I have cried because of you.My mind just goes blank and weak everytime I think of you.But no matter what, I believe you can and will turn your life all over again. We love you so so much and we will never fail to continue our faith in you. We never fail to pray for you each and every single day and I’m waiting for that day.

Oh man, I just can’t type anymore.

Wow, I have been writing quite frequently which means that I have nothing to do much except waking up at the wee hours of the morning. Suddenly I’m so interested in photography. If something/someone is ugly, you can use some pro photography skills to make it/her really really radically different. I can’t believe I’m going to be 21 in less than a year’s time. Seriously, I’ll stay at home and swallow tubs of Haagen Daz unconciously while crying my eyes out. It’s so daunting. My phone has been a completely fucking bitch today again. And thanks so much for trying to save money when I woke up seriously late and really had to cab to school which cost 17.40 bucks. If I were to attend Econs lecture, 17.40 bucks could be totally justified. In reality, I got a Study Skills lecture. I tell you one thing, don’t ever attend a lecture taught by a pregnant woman. It really a) wastes your time because she blabbers most of the time and b) makes you feel like puking hearing her laughter. Her

On the greener side, my bitch is coming over this weekend so I hope he’d give me a ring. I bought a few books which will be my company till the end of the year. I yearn for companionship and consolation in the deepest solitude. Haha, I can’t believe I just type that. WTF!!!

Sometimes there’s a price to pay when you’re not being true to yourself at the first place.

To : You,

We’re drifting apart.

On Sat morning I went swimming again with the two retarded bitches. I knew what they were up to- trying to a) make me drown and gag or b) strip me. Haha, unfortunately, I’m older than the both of them so I figured out what they wanted to do well before they actually did it. And seriously, when I grow up ( sound like PCD) or strike 4D, I’ll not go to the public swimming pools. It’s disgustingly crowded on weekends with kids learning and fuckers who love to show off their swimming competency but failed to do so.

Let’s backtrack. I went to swim on Tuesday afternoon, hoping to get an even tan and tonned legs but the Mr. Sunny was not around. There’s this marthafuker who is in his early 30s and his look is beyond the gross factor. He kept propelling at the side of the pool and splashed water onto everyone’s faces, including mine. And to my expectation, he tried to do butterfly but obviously he couldn’t finish half a lap. Such a shame on you, hao lian bitch. We saw him again on Saturday morning and I was like ”wtf” 200 million times. We stayed clear of him this time round. I suck at swimming but at least I don’t try to be pro when I know I’m not. I don’t live in self-denial unlike some people in this society.

Sleep-over at the bitch’s place was really warm and tender and lovingly sexy. Before we slept, he told me so many stories which I haven’t got to know like how only well-heeled and gorgeous babes always patronise ‘This Fashion’. Justice wanted to kiss Fabulous during one concert. Omigod, I totally missed out. Of course we went to the gym for a while also. Fuck my stamina man, I can’t even run for a full 15 minutes. On a lighter note, I like the swimming pool because not many people were around compared to the swimming complex. If those who stay in condo, for some unknown reasons, visit the swimming complex, they’ll think it’s a water-based refugees’ camp. Ok, not funny. I love my damn runway swimming shorts. Haha.

Anyway, I am just dying to share some secrets about someone but really secrets are not anymore when shared.

Eh, no Econs tutorial and I’m dying for some branded bags. Something understated. I realised it’s an irony when I said branded and understated. The bag can be branded and understated I know, but it somehow doesn’t sound right to me. My phone has been such a big bitch to me. My dear lovely McSexy ( my phone’s name), can you please make up your mind whether you’re well or unwell so I can trade you in. McSexy is a certified bitch man.

Thank you CB the Bitch for a delightful stay. I think I made your blanket a bit dirty. Haha, kidding!!!! Have fun doing all the classifed work while watching all the movies you smuggle in.

DSC00846, originally uploaded by mrfrenchfries.

Oh my God, I spent 102393939 dollars on Burberry and some other stuff which I’m so lazy to take the pictures. Have been exercising very regularly while forgetting what the fuck is going on in school. I hope this weekends I could do some productive work and not to open my wallet anymore till 2050. I bought so many stuff and the guilty feeling is rushing up again.

School has been really uneventful and I do really doubt my interpersonal skills. I think I’m an anti-social freak. Before typing any further, I know I’m as fugly and disgusting as hell. I know I’m nobody to judge one’s appearances or fashion sense but if you really ever do have a chance to pop by my school, I’ll be more than willing to show you those who dress to Cloud Nine. One of whom is shaped like a Marshmallow Man who can roll faster than run. And this trendy chap clads in blazer and shorts and loafers. His hair is as hot as a rambutan while his face is so pimply that everytime I picture in my mind I feel like puking. Please don’t even talk about his sexy things because they’re just like 2 barrels of lard running along the corridor. I know I’m such a fucking big bitch but seriously when you’re in that size you’re automatically the centre of attention so you don’t really need to dress up like you’re from mental hospital. I wonder why he bulges out at all the wrong places. And there’s this guy who is as ugly as Betty. I’m being nice. He’s worse than Betty.  And this gentleman wears all those dress shirts and pants while he styles his hair like a D24 durian. His face is so pimply that I have no words to express the severity of his face condition.

But the weirdest thing is that this fat ass is  the only motivation for me to exercise more often. Yeah, I went swimming this afternoon and  it was the first time I completed 6 laps. I felt so much lighter right now.

Ranting bits. I seriously felt like slapping this bitch’s face 200000 to the power of 493929922992 times because she was simply being rude. I missed my queue number because I really didn’t see my number appear on the fucking screen and when I approached her to ask if I could be the next one and expectedly, she gave me this marthafucker’s face as if I owed her a living. Cibai cibai cibai cibai cibai.

And there’s another rude bitch who doesn’t even know when to say nice things and she’s also another fucking rude person. Ok nevermind bout that because I can’t be bothered anymore.

I’m tired of shallow promises, really. Sometimes I wonder if you’re a fucking moron or what but do you actually know that promises are made upon mutual respect and agreement. You can’t treat me like a reserved bitch whom you can use to slot in your free slot in your event calendar. That’s not cool. But I also can’t be bothered about you. It’s been nice knowing you but we don’t share a common ground anymore so byebye forever.

I think I’m such a coward because when I’m on the brink of anger, I don’t dare to shout at that person or punch his face. I’ll swallow and rant about it to my friend. ( thank you! you know who you are).

Besides all these trivial stuff, my life has been a breeze so far. My skin has been glowing thanks to  the sexual tension that I’ve released. I’ve been exercising quite regularly for this week. Keep it up.

Econs is such a bitch because I thought I could do the tutorial without any difficulties because all I needed to do is demand and supply but it turned out to be way more complicated and all of my answers are completely wrong. So much for getting a B for A Level Econs.