surrounded by emptiness

Another Mid-Autumn Festival that I’m not able to be with my family again. It’s been six years long. I still remember the younger days when I would ask my parents to get me some mooncakes first before the real day (15th of the eighth month). I would finish my dinner in 10 seconds just to get my hands on the mooncakes. The taste of the green bean paste and eggyolks melted in my mouth and I was more than estatic when we were allowed to play with the lanterns in the living room because it was raining. My second brother would help me do the star-shaped lanterns weeks before the 15th. Then we would make candle holders out of used tin cans. We would make the torch out of bamboos. It was every kid’s dream to have an electric lantern and so was mine. My second brother would quiver and sneer at those kids who hold the lanterns because they didn’t put in any effort to make one. Memories of us walked around the quiet neighbourhood and made so much noise. Memories of my childhood friends lost his slippers for some unknown reasons and we all chipped in money to get him a new pair on the 15th. Memories of my second brother carried me home one year. I still remember because I fell down and bruised myself while playing with the other kids. I cried like crazy. Memories of me punching my second brother because he accidentally dripped the candle wax on my index finger one year. The scar is still on my left index finger. This is to you, Second Brother, FUCK YOU BIG TIME! Haha. Memories of my parents were not able to celebrate the festivals some years because they were busily earning money. I wasn’t angry and didn’t blame them at all because I had company. Memories of me praying that it wouldn’t rain so we could walk around the neighbourhood. Memories of me losing my slippers one year because I was so engrossed in playing with some friends.

15th of the eighth month brings back this tremendously huge nostalgia that I don’t think words can be used to describe how I’m feeling right now. As we grow older, our paths differ and sometimes people just take things for granted. I’m not an exception. I believe everyone deserves a second chance no matter whatever crimes they committed. I’m no Mother Theresa but I believe no matter how bad the person appears to be, there’re still some good traits in their inner self. It’s just that for a moment of carelessness, they slip away from us, from the path they’re supposed to take and lead. One moment of us playing poker cards together and you pinched my nose and the next moment, we’re so far apart. We’re in two different worlds.Tears just roll down my eyes  and my heart aches everytime I think of you.  You just don’t know how many times I have cried because of you.My mind just goes blank and weak everytime I think of you.But no matter what, I believe you can and will turn your life all over again. We love you so so much and we will never fail to continue our faith in you. We never fail to pray for you each and every single day and I’m waiting for that day.

Oh man, I just can’t type anymore.