surrounded by emptiness

Hoolah my little corner, filled with depressing words and mundane details about my life, which is turning out to be all twisted and complicated. I’m in the pre mid-life crisis. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Maybe some of you are lucky in everything you do. You don’t get/face any disappointments. You don’t live on the verge of falling deep to the bottomless emptiness. I don’t get it why life is so really unfair to me when all I’m trying to do is to have a normal life. Disappointments after disappointments totally drain my energy. I hate any English words associated with hope, optimism, faith and what not. Simply because these words just don’t exist in my world practically. I don’t even know where I’m heading in my life.

Wonder have any of you out there has nurtured this hope and faith over a period of time and one day, this so-called ‘hope’ withers right in front of your eyes.

As you grow older, relationships are getting more and more complicated. I don’t think I can get into another one because sometimes there’s this acute pain in my mind when thinking about the past. It makes me dizzy and feel really depressed till the point when you are just numb. You just don’t feel anymore because the pain keeps carrying on and on as if it lives in you.

Wonder if any of you have ever wished to live in your past.

I had this little hope. I thought I had found a new spark in my life. The bubble burst. I kinda expected it anyway.

In this increasingly cynical world we are living dust of time keeps resurfacing, mars our perspectives.

In this increasingly aloof world we are living I will make it through I hope.

Sometimes, it’s just so hard to express your feelings. It’s not like I have anything to hide. But it’s just that I don’t know how to express my feelings to the best extent that the other person gets what I’m trying to say. Another day has gone and I’m still lying here being oblivious to the ticking of time. Being oblivious to my own existence. I wish there were someone behind watching my shadow, guiding my every dream, shielding me from the bubbles of hope and faith bursting.

I can’t continue.