surrounded by emptiness

It’s orange,
No wait, it’s yellow.
With a little red and pink?
No Dear, we see Colorful.

Oh no, now it’s gray,
Or maybe it’s black?
With more white in it?
The Colorful just disappeared.

How to get it back?
Paint it with a different bunch of colors?
It will never be the same one,
Even if the Colorful come as close.

The old colorful is wonderful,
The old colorful shines bright.
It warmth everyone who sees it,
Even only one who understands it.

Maybe paint it with a different bunch of new colors.
The same shade may not appear.
The new Colorful can be too bright,
The new Colorful can be too dark.

Wait until dawn when the sun shines upon it.
The dark can be a little brighter.
Look at it at sunset,
The bright can be a little darker.

If the old colorful has not came back,
Give some time for the ‘new’ to develop its color.
If all fails,
Give your eyes the courage to adjust.

FOOD-OLOGY

What is your salad dressing of choice?
- I’m not really a fan of salad. But maybe Thousand Islands?

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
- I don’t dine in that often. As long as on a proper and comfy chair then I’m half happy. The other half will be the food and all.

What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?
- This question is hard, for 2 weeks. So rice it is, accompanied with different side dishes.

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
- I don’t know.

What do you like to put on your toast?
- Kaya, Nutella. I like sandwiches though. On a random note, it’s really nice on a Saturday night raininng like nobody’s business.

TECHNOLOGY

How many television sets are in your house?
- 3/4?

what color of cell phone do you have?
- Grey I think.

BIOLOGY

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
- I think right-handed.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
- Lucky me, nope. I hope that day will come soon though.

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
- The fucking 65 kg of myself all the way to the 7th floor.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
- Yeah, when I was running in primary school classroom and I fell and knocked my head against the fucking wooden table. KNN. I did really see stars and everything went black. I thought seeing stars is a) only a means of expression and b) happens in cartoon that I used to watch.

BULLCRAPOLOGY

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
- Definitely helly yeah man.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
- I will prolly keep it the same except asking my parents’ permission to add an English name. How about Trellis, Ethan- too common, Nathan, Aiden, Miquel – yay or nay?.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
- How about raise the bar to $5000? Defnitely.

DUMBOLOGY

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
- 2

Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
-  Never had. But with the KNNCCB SIM invigilator yesterday. What a fucking rude bitch!

Last person you talked to?
- Noone.

Last person you hugged?
- Noone.

FAVORITOLOGY

Season?
- Fall.

Holiday?
- This is definitely easy. CNY.

Day of the week?
- Friday night or Saturday. Least favourite must be Sunday night and Monday.

Month?
- June or November or December

CURRENTOLOGY

Missing someone?
- Definitely yes.

Mood?
- How to describe my mood? A bit under the weather. I guess I’m feeling under the weather all the time. But I can’t lie to myself expressing how happy I am.

What are you listening to?
- James Morrison- Love is hard.

Watching?
- Nothing.

Worrying about?
- This is getting boring and more boring but nothing else than my birthday and my future which is bleaker than the Orwellian version.

RANDOMOLOGY

First place you went this morning?
- The one where I can sing and shower at the same time. However I didn’t sing this morning.

What’s the last movie you saw?
- This same boring question again? In cinema, Bride Wars.

Do you smile often?
- I laugh at myself often will be a more accurate statement.

QUESTIONS

1)Do you always answer your phone?
- I do as always.

2) It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
- Who the fuck will msg me at the wee hours of the morning except EJ babe
3) If you could change your eye color what would it be?
- Hazelnut. But I must be at least Eurasian.
4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
- Sonic the one I know is a game.

5) Do you own a digital camera?
- Who doesn’t?

6) Have you ever had a pet fish?
- Yeap, my family used to have a small pond and they died because noone took care of it.

7) Favorite Christmas song?
- Silent Night. My favourite of all time. Calm and serene.

What’s on your wish list for your birthday?
- An impromptu holiday getaway to some faraway place from all these sinners.

9) Can you do push ups?
- Yeap with maximum effort though.

10) Can you do a chin up?
- Yeap. My target is two chin ups and I’ll be pleased.

11) Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
- Definitely nervous and not in a good sense unfortunately.

12) Do you have any saved texts?
- Currently no. My new motto is run away from the past, get through the present and embrace the future.

13) Ever been in a car wreck?
- Nope. But a coach wreck. Oh man, there was this one time when I went to Mt Ophir with the most annoying bunch of people somewhat and I literally lied on the expressway in the middle of the night. It was going to rain As a matter of fact, I missed the trip.

14) Do you have an accent?
- Definitely, the new Australian accent. The way they speak is so cute because they raise their pitch at the end of every single sentence as if they’re asking a question. Like ” I have a pimple on my arse today?” Haha, and their classic version of their hello-mate(s) and the way they pronounce ‘whatever’. But giving the choice living at the land Down Under I don’t think I’ll. It’s so scattered and sound so faraway. I mean Arkansas sounds closer and more relevant than Hobart. However, I must say that  Australians are hot but kangaroos are not.

15) What is the last song to make you cry?
- I can’t cry because of some soapy songs.

16) Plans tonight?
- Not sleeping and glue-ing my eyes at the lappie.

17) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
- Coming soon baby, soon. In theatres. Ok I don’t sound like I’m going to hit rock bottom yet.

18) Name 3 things you bought in the last week
- Other than food? 8 days with Jennifer Aniston the very photoshop-ed version gracing the cover and that’s all. I topped up my ezlink card today.

19) Have you ever been given roses?
- Never and I’m not interested. Roses are for cliched and cheesy love stories. I’d rather you treat me a nice dinner in an Italian restaurant. I don’t mind French cuisine as well. On a seriously random note, I put in thoughts in answering these questions, unlike some people who type out their answers without even looking at the questions properly.

20) Current worry?
- My future.

21) Current hate right now?
- My fucking school. I hope it’d get burned down.

22) Met someone who changed your life?
- Yeap. No further elaboration for this. But in case you wonder, no I’m not that sort who find my life back from God and church and all that crap. I don’t care this may offend anyone who comes across this but enough said about those who can go on and on and on about going to church every fucking single day and sing in the church choir and eat in the church and the moment they open their dirty mouths, the topic is all about God when they treat their friends and families like dogs. So you may haved judged and labelled me as a HYPOCRITE, trust me there’re bigger hypocrites way bigger than I’m. So take a look around before judging anyone and may I suggest you should get a mirror too because you’re one of us too ( WELCOME TO THE CLUB, BIATCH!)

23) How did you bring in the New Year!
- CNY. I stayed at home with my parents and it was marvellous. Igot ang paos from relatives in very symbolic amounts.

24) What song represents you?
- I can’t get no ( Satisfaction). Kidding. I’m me and no song can represent me excpet me myself and I.

25) Name three people who might complete this?
- Noone

26) What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
- I was watching Top Chef and American Idol.

27) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
- Whether I should skip school today.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Apparently no. My name is damn unique and as far as I know, noone shares the same name as mine which is kinda a good feeling.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
When I was 12? I don’t know.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
OMFG. Talking about handwriting, when I was in primary school, everyone was supposed to have very nice handwriting. My teachers saw the potential in me and they sent me to all the stupid competitions for nice handwriting (WTF I KNOW). Surprisingly I was in the school team for 2 years and got some useless awards after spending days and nights practising. So, I have a love-hate relationship with my handwriting. The journey was a painful and eventful one.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Definitely not pork.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
If kids is the short form for kidneys then yes sir!

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I would marry me. I think I’m perfect!

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
On a daily basis. For example, read number 6. Read 2 times and you don’t get still it means you’re fucking stupid.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yeap, I thought I needed to go for surgery when I was young but lucky me.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Definitely, maybe! I got the adrenaline rush when I see people jumping off the fucking cliff. I often wonder what I’d be thinking at that moment in time. And normally the guys will say stuff like, ” Whenever you’re ready, sir!”. But I’ll ask them to push me down because I don’t think I can jump off all by myself. I’ll scream something like, ” Fuck me, mothernature! FUUUUCCCCKKK MEEE!”. Ok, better stop here because what if I’m chickened out when I really have the chance. This is on ‘must-do’ list before I die.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
No favourite. But anything that has dried fruits. No point munching on all the nuts in the morning.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Maybe it’s about time that I should do that.

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
If Jenga is considered as a board game, then Jenga it is. I think Monopoly is so time-consuming. Maybe that’s the whole idea behind playing board game because you have nothing else better to do.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
I love ice-cream. My children will be called Ben and Jerry. Ok I know it’s not funny but at least I’m trying to self-entertain. Everything and anything but not coffee. And Italian gelato and lime/lemon/peach sorbet. It’s so refreshing for lazy afternoons, paired up with a good book and by the pool. Heavenly.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Anything and everything. I must be the most judgemental fucker on this planet. But the person I should judge most often is myself. Sometimes random people often ask me.. okay sorry not relevant.

15. RED OR PINK?
Definitely red and fuschia. These are the two colours of the month. Next month my favourite colour will be orange. Orange apparently is the only colour representing all the four seasons throughout the world. Resilience I must say.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
Least favourite things include my face, body, attitude towards life and not forget the many tonnes of fats covering every single inch of my body.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
At this point of time, my beloved mother and father. Her birthday is coming and all. Should I fly home during the one week break? This is the first time in many years living away from home that I’ve missed them this much. I dream about them many times. I hope this is nothing bad.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
Nope.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Dark blue Nike shorts ( made in Hong Kong) and barefooted now.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
James Morrisson while it’s pouring outside and I’m supposed to hug POA and Maths but you know what, FUCK PRELIMS.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE
Without any obligation and hestitation, orange.

23. FAVOURITE SMELL?
Cooling and refreshing smell. Marc Jacobs. Chanel Sports Allure. Carolina Herrera Aqua. Bvlgari Aqua. Top picks and I really like them.

24. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Noone.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Apparently noone sent me and I don’t give a fuck. I just feel like doing this.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
It must be swimming, volleyball, tennis and boxing ( unresolved childhood anger issues)

27. HAIR COLOR?
Arificially brown. My hair has been the biggest bitch over these past few days. It was frizzy and unmanageable. I was thinking of shaving but chickened out at the end. Because a) I spent 50 fucking dollars on it just before CNY and b) I’ll prolly look like I have cancer and undergo chemo and everyone will run away from me including animals. On a random note, the last time I went to Bangkok and oh my gawk, I saw all the cutest puppies in the world. The problem is I can’t even take care of myself, there’s no point of taking in a dog.

28. EYE COLOR?
Darkest shade of brown. I think generally everyone will more or less have the same eye colour. This of course only refers to the Asians at large.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
I used to but there were times when I came home straight from school and I was so lazy to take them off, I’d just wear them and take a 6-hour nap. To my horror when I woke up, I couldn’t them off and thanks to the lubricating lotion ( for the eyes only, I know what you’re thinking the moment you see the word lubricating), I took them off. And there was this one time I went to watch the movie ” Failure to launch” starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew McConaughey at Plaza Singapura. Oh man, one of the contacts fell out of my left eye. It was so weird with the other half  so I decided to take them off and throw away as well. That was when I broke up with contacts. It’s so troublesome and doesn’t make me look any better compared to wearing spectacles. And since I’m as ugly as a toad, no point in being vain. On the Plaza Singapura note, and someone opened a can of Coke and the fizzy drink spilled all over my LV bag. What the fucking fuck right, I know.I officially don’t go to Plaza Singapura for movies since that incident.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Everything and anything.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Happy endings I guess. I’m not very into bloody scenes where the cameramen can’t keep their cameras steady and the whole screen keeps shaking like mad and the actresses are painting like dogs and they always shoot these stuff in some sleazy corners.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
How to lose friends and alienate people. It was cute. I love everything bout accents for now.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Blue Addidas tee shirt ( made in Laos). WTF again.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer when I feel like going to the beach to show off my protruding belly and winter when I need to pig out while hibernating like a polar bear.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Both. French, even better.

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
I’m most likely to respond to those who are friendly and on the same wavelengths as me.

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
To those who have body odour, rude, attention-seeking, cannot speak English in full sentences.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Half-way through the autobiography of Marie Antoinette. I’m interested in European arts and history for now I guess.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I don’t have a mouse but I have a pad. Ok, not funny.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Considering eztv.it as a  telly, I watched Ugly Betty.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
Definitely not the alarm ringtone of mine.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
The Beatles.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?

 I don’t even want to answer this question.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I can sleep, eat, play and spend money for my whole entire life without finding it meaningless. As a matter of fact, if I were able to do that, I’d have a new profound respect for life and understand Michael Buble’s What A Wonderful World.

46 WHERE WERE U BORN?
Hospital.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Noone in particular.

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
In the mall. My SO is my bolster. It cost 27.90

49. WHAT KIND OF PET WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE?
At the moment, nah. Maybe soft toy then Teddy bear.

50. WHICH COUNTRY WOULD YOU LIKE TO VISIT?
Only one country is allowed then there’s no point. How about Australia as the starting point?

Don’t you dare judge me and give me that disapproving views borrowed  from the societal standards which have become more than hypocritical, controlling, apathetic, self-righteous. Don’t you ever dare to do that.

Woohhoo I didn’t go to school early this morning because… Nevermind, it was a really long and complicated story. The lesson learnt is that I’ll never sleep again for the rest of my life or after prelims (10 days counting down) at least.

And I was more than ecstatic that I survived this fucking Feb 14th. Disgustingly commercial and overhyped and unromantic. Sour grapes I’m having. And I didn’t buy any presents for the person whom I love the most- myselft.  Even though the economy is in deep shit and I should do every part possible to spend but guess what, I learnt my lesson.

On a random note, I hate the fuck out of your face, PERIOD!!!!!!  Yes, YOU.

Obsession Du Jour No. 1 right now is this classic messenger on the left from Loewe. No more mass-produced and loud mono prints that even China women carry while sashaying down Orchard Road with pride.

‘ello! Today is Ram Thang Gieng and when I was resting after the run, I looked up and omg, the moon is so so so round and bright. Everytime looking at the full moon, there’s this feeling. A feeling of childhood, of the so much fun days. The countless nights when my whole family rode on the motorcycle and I kept looking up the moon while reciting of the moon-related poem learnt in school.

Trang oi tu dau den…

Lo lung ma khong roi…

And the breezy wind at night and the cooling weather was such a nice experience. Didn’t I have a slightest idea that while I enjoyed the ride home, my parents were burdened with so many difficulties in earning money. I didn’t realise the hardship that they were facing trying their best to provide us everything we wished and wanted and needed and what not. I remember of the late night when my father and I waited at the corner of the street waiting for my mother to come after collecting money from the sellers owed her and my teacher saw me. I remembered there were moments that she quarelled with the people because of some discrepancies in the amount.

Time flew and I didn’t even notice and omg everytime thinking of my childhood, there’re no words to describe how I appreciate their efforts and how much of love for them. As I grow older, I realise I wish to spend more time with them.

Bien menh mong khong dong day tinh Me

May long long khong phu kin tinh Cha.

Ngay 10 thang 02 nam 2009.